I am so thankful now that i feel so relieved after everything I've gone through. A lot of people would say that this is really my year where I could say a mixture of happiness and sadness. I was dumped, graduated from my MA, got married and pregnant, left by my husband for work and the worst, lost my baby. woooaaahhh! I never thought I would experience all of these things this year and I hope I will be having a great year, 2012, ahead of me. Anyway, I will be 30 that time. Thanks to my husband who was so great last night telling me how God loves us with all the struggles we have been through.
The pain of not being with my husband is the most painful part of my life which made my life so miserable. Thank God he realized that he needs to be a husband to me because I feel so alone when he left me here. I changed everything in me when I marry him and I was left with nothing. Thank God that those people I turned my back on are still here helping me out with my situation. God is so good because He never leaves me. I am so thankful that my husband finally realize that I need strength from him and all he has to do is to be strong for me and remind me of all the things I have been telling him about God's challenges on people. He was so good telling me how God loves us and all I need to do is to give everything to Him and let Him do everything. We just have to trust him. I am so happy with the transformation of my husband and the best thing I've heard from him last night is he learned it from me. He has changed because of me and he loves me so much.Those words make me feel alive and having the energy to live again. I really had a difficult time picking all the pieces of myself but having him makes it easier for me.
I love him...he told me that he is so lucky that I love him and so he does. I just remember what I read from my friend's stat in fb that it's ok to love until it hurts...because after the hurt, only love is the one left and I think that's what I felt which my husband had felt on me. I love him so much...he is my life and my happiness...I just have to wait for 11 months for him to come home. With 11 mos, I have plans for myself. I will be in school on thr 30th of january, after my 30th birthday, and hopefully bought a second hand car which I will name after my baby's name Marcus so I would feel he will always be with me and I have somebody with me who will never left me. I just hope God will help me to have it for me to start a new life. I will work hard to save for my next pregnancy and hopefully God will give us that child.When my husband gets back, he will be staying for 2 years here and work...instead of going somewhere else...thank you God. I just hope this will be realized. I always believe that when we work things together, everything will be ok...for me...for both of us because we love each other. Thank you pu God...I just hope next year, I will be a better person who loves God and who loves my husband and my child...wherever they are. I miss my baby...I miss my mahal ku...Thank you pu God...
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
yearning for somebody to talk to...
i feel so sad...why? it is because i don't have somebody to talk to. i want to talk with somebody who would listen to me. at this time, i want somebody who would entertain me with his/her stories and at the same time who would check on me if i am ok. am i ok? no. i didn't have good sleep last night and i want to laugh. how am i going to laugh if i am just in front of my laptop for the whole week? haaay...how i wish i could find that someone...but where?
i was not like this. i am really satisfied with my diary with me. just like this, i have something to write on my thoughts and who would listen to me though it doesn't have any response. well, perhaps i just missed the times i was with somebody who first listened and cared about me. i was used to having somebody with me who never left me. but look at me now, i just have this laptop, writing my thoughts, researching materials for my thesis and listening to music. i need someone to talk to...
i know God is always there for me...and He listens...wholeheartedly.
i was not like this. i am really satisfied with my diary with me. just like this, i have something to write on my thoughts and who would listen to me though it doesn't have any response. well, perhaps i just missed the times i was with somebody who first listened and cared about me. i was used to having somebody with me who never left me. but look at me now, i just have this laptop, writing my thoughts, researching materials for my thesis and listening to music. i need someone to talk to...
i know God is always there for me...and He listens...wholeheartedly.
Monday, June 8, 2009
reborn
I don't how to start this but I am really sure I want to put this into writing. I am reflecting on three things. First, the student's evaluation on how I handle my class; second, the reason for some people who appreciate my work; lastly, if I will be using a strategy of handling a class which I am not comfortable with. I know I am not perfect but I am willing to do things which would achieve my purpose...and that is my students would transform to become better people using competently the English language.
I feel relieved that I have attended a mass which focuses on salt and light. The priest was so eloquent in explaining how people can become salt and light. From his homily, I got answers from the three things I am reflecting on. Now, I am sure I want to be a salt or a light in response to the these apprehensions before I start my class on Monday.
From his homily, salt and light are the best symbols for us to become better individuals. Why? It is because salt and light have something in common which people could live by. Both of them are not selfish because they exist because of a purpose. With such, they are not self-centered. They give themselves to others. Second, both of them should be used in right moderation so that people would not complain of being salty or too much light that may hurt their eyes. Lastly, both of them are ready to be dissolved in nowhere. salt is ready to be dissolved in food and the light is ready to be busted and be replaced with a new one.
With the salt and light, I know the answers to my confusion. The student's evaluation affected me in a way which led me to reflect if I still deserve to conduct classes and be a teacher. Whooah...until now, I can't still consider myself as a teacher. Well, because a teacher for me knows everything and I am not like that. I am still learning from my students and their evaluation is a learning for me. If I sound being perfectionist, I am just doing it for them. I don't want them to be like me when I graduated who is not competitive enough in speaking English. nowadays, speaking the second language is a basis to be accepted in companies. I have experienced that. I don't want them to feel that so I am working too much and still there are some who do not appreciate it. It's ok. At least, I have done my purpose and I made changes on them though they don't like me.
With the student's evaluation, I have received a lot of good feedback which made me think if I really deserve it. One more thing is when my colleague, who is a friend, was proud of me when she told me that I was one of the outstanding teachers based on an observation. I was happy hearing that knowing that nobody was interested to tell me that. Knowing I have thought I have friends here, now I realized I only have one and that is my colleague who told me that. I want to share my happiness but I don't know to whom I am going to share it. Anyways, I have shared it with God and to my siblings. I feel fulfilled and that is my achievement.
I am now down to my third concern which is the strategy that I have to use in my class. I have a colleague who keeps on telling me the right thing in handling a class which is based on our series of seminars. The truth: I hate it. I hate the way he does it which I never asked from him. His act confused me if I am doing the right thing in my class. The mass answered my question. I am doing the right thing because I am willing to change and sacrifice for them. I may sound perfectionist and would have a bad reputation just to do the purpose of making them to at their best. I don't care how they see me or people would regard me as long as I am doing what I have to do.haaay...well, I will be bringing this up to my students when I introduce myself to them next week. I just hope and pray they would accept me.
I just have to close my ears to these people who always want to feel that they know best. i will just ignore it. I know I can be this successful in doing my job and my advocacy if God is not with me. That is the truth. I am not a teacher because I never studied this. I am just an instrument of God's grace helping them to be at their best. I hope I will be having a great semester...I know He will be there for me.
I feel relieved that I have attended a mass which focuses on salt and light. The priest was so eloquent in explaining how people can become salt and light. From his homily, I got answers from the three things I am reflecting on. Now, I am sure I want to be a salt or a light in response to the these apprehensions before I start my class on Monday.
From his homily, salt and light are the best symbols for us to become better individuals. Why? It is because salt and light have something in common which people could live by. Both of them are not selfish because they exist because of a purpose. With such, they are not self-centered. They give themselves to others. Second, both of them should be used in right moderation so that people would not complain of being salty or too much light that may hurt their eyes. Lastly, both of them are ready to be dissolved in nowhere. salt is ready to be dissolved in food and the light is ready to be busted and be replaced with a new one.
With the salt and light, I know the answers to my confusion. The student's evaluation affected me in a way which led me to reflect if I still deserve to conduct classes and be a teacher. Whooah...until now, I can't still consider myself as a teacher. Well, because a teacher for me knows everything and I am not like that. I am still learning from my students and their evaluation is a learning for me. If I sound being perfectionist, I am just doing it for them. I don't want them to be like me when I graduated who is not competitive enough in speaking English. nowadays, speaking the second language is a basis to be accepted in companies. I have experienced that. I don't want them to feel that so I am working too much and still there are some who do not appreciate it. It's ok. At least, I have done my purpose and I made changes on them though they don't like me.
With the student's evaluation, I have received a lot of good feedback which made me think if I really deserve it. One more thing is when my colleague, who is a friend, was proud of me when she told me that I was one of the outstanding teachers based on an observation. I was happy hearing that knowing that nobody was interested to tell me that. Knowing I have thought I have friends here, now I realized I only have one and that is my colleague who told me that. I want to share my happiness but I don't know to whom I am going to share it. Anyways, I have shared it with God and to my siblings. I feel fulfilled and that is my achievement.
I am now down to my third concern which is the strategy that I have to use in my class. I have a colleague who keeps on telling me the right thing in handling a class which is based on our series of seminars. The truth: I hate it. I hate the way he does it which I never asked from him. His act confused me if I am doing the right thing in my class. The mass answered my question. I am doing the right thing because I am willing to change and sacrifice for them. I may sound perfectionist and would have a bad reputation just to do the purpose of making them to at their best. I don't care how they see me or people would regard me as long as I am doing what I have to do.haaay...well, I will be bringing this up to my students when I introduce myself to them next week. I just hope and pray they would accept me.
I just have to close my ears to these people who always want to feel that they know best. i will just ignore it. I know I can be this successful in doing my job and my advocacy if God is not with me. That is the truth. I am not a teacher because I never studied this. I am just an instrument of God's grace helping them to be at their best. I hope I will be having a great semester...I know He will be there for me.
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